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Friday, September 4th, 2009

Time:7:49 pm.
Mood: chipper.
so, tuesday and friday are my days off from work. today i slept until three, and watched television, and was generally horizontal the whole day (not in the kinky way, just in the lazy way). it was awesome. normally when i'm not at work i'm cleaning, or still doing work, or dealing with relationship stuff. so it was really nice to just do nothing.

it would be even nicer if i could get really intoxicated tonight. but i'll take what i can.

i'm in a very pleasant mood.
Comments: i saw sparks.

Tuesday, August 25th, 2009

Subject:in the land of women.
Time:3:53 am.
Mood: tired.
hmm. writing.

so, my life has been nothing short of busy. and hectic. but that's nothing new.

my job, although progressing, doesn't make me particularly happy. it's stressful. and sometimes, i really hate dealing with people. sometimes it's fun, and i have good days, usually when it's busy and i have a lot to do. but most of the time i don't want to be there, and by the time i leave i'm in a mood. i've been way too lazy to seek employment elsewhere, and i get paid pretty well, and we need the money. so i'm just sucking it up.

my fiance is re-enlisting in the army the beginning of next year. we're planning on getting married before then, so probably by the end of this year. and i'm freaking a little. there have been certain situations that have arisen as of late that's giving me doubts. and, well, i'm not 100% sure i'm ready. but i do love him, and plan on being with him for the rest of my life. i just don't want to get my heart broken, or end up looking like an idiot. and there are a lot of reasons i shouldn't be with him. but i've never been one to follow the logical path...so. i'm sucking it up in that department too.

i don't go out much. it's pretty much work, and sleep, and getting fucked up on occasion. i went on a serious cocaine binge for a while, but i think i'm okay now. i'm not unhappy. i just feel stuck a lot of the time, and it's a little depressing. i'm not sure how to change that, mostly because i have no real desire towards anything. i'm just floating right now, and i'm very unsure of how the future is going to turn out. which is unnerving. i don't have a lot of friends, which is fine, but it makes it hard to have someone to talk to. and a lot of the time i don't feel i can talk to my fiance, which is one of our problems. so i bottle a lot of stuff up in the vain attempt to deal with it myself, and it's really overwhelming sometimes. hence the coke binge. but...i don't know. i'm not sure how i'm feeling in general - once again, i'm not unhappy. but i'm not happy either. i don't really feel anything...i'm just...tired, i guess. it's not a serious problem by any means, it is what it is. but it could be a lot worse.

but, logically, my life is pretty good right now. so i try to be grateful for that, and just keep pushing forward.
Comments: 1 spark - i saw sparks.

Wednesday, July 15th, 2009

Subject:at this point in the game.
Time:10:50 pm.
Mood: tired.
oh man. i feel like i'm just...permanently exhausted. it's a good exhaustion though, one that comes from kicking ass and taking names on a daily basis. but my body is sluggish and my mind is cloudy, and i think i'm getting used to it.

my on-again/off-again engagement is back on as of this weekend. we're in a good place - there's still trust issues, but at least he's making an effort. which means so much. and, we've just been spending time together, laughing and talking and making love and eating a lot of cheesecake. it's been really nice, the one non-(or at least, less)stressful part in my life right now.

along with watching true blood on sundays. i love that show. vampires are hot. yeah, i said it.

and, i don't know. adulthood...it's some crazy shit. but i'm pretty happy right now.
Comments: i saw sparks.

Friday, May 8th, 2009

Time:1:35 am.
i. am an idiot.
i will never, ever let another man hurt me again. ever.
Comments: i saw sparks.

Thursday, May 7th, 2009

Time:5:21 am.
Mood: awake.
i have got to start sleeping more.Collapse )
Comments: i saw sparks.

Friday, April 17th, 2009

Subject:wave your hands in the ayer.
Time:12:49 pm.
Mood: happy.
aww. my friend chanta just had a son. marshall kay field. he's very cute.

and then i found out one of my friends from mbc is preggo as well. stop procreating people, you're making me feel old. no kidding, though? totally happy for them.

and then i think, man, that's going to be me in a couple years. husband, house, babies. it's scary but super exciting. i never thought i'd be that kind of girl, but now that i am, i can't imagine being any other way.

oh, and they made me an assistant manager at work after only two months. holla! mama needs that bread. vodka and cigarettes aren't cheap.
Comments: i saw sparks.

Sunday, March 29th, 2009

Time:5:06 am.
Mood: awake.
i haven't done one of these in years.Collapse )
Comments: i saw sparks.

Subject:i've done the leg work.
Time:1:40 am.
Mood: cheerful.
i just got off work, and am finally watching the sex and the city movie.

and thinks it's hilarious that, although i haven't seen it, my fiance has. twice.
Comments: i saw sparks.

Saturday, March 21st, 2009

Subject:let me put this drink down before i say some shit i shouldn't say.
Time:2:28 am.
Mood:drunk and hella happy..
whoo. crazy day.
just gonna type 'cause i'm pretty drunk.

went to work at five. always on time, always early.
other host came at five thirty.
she left at six thirty because she was "sick."
she's a sucky host, i do everything anyway.

go sit in a bathroom for a bit, get myself together.
i was very lucky it was busy but not too busy, because i handled it pretty fucking well by myself.
was a little proud. of me and the servers, because they respond to me very well.

so, eleven, i get my area ready so i can clock out at twelve.
let the manager know, she tells me i have to stay until twelve thirty.
i'm like, what the fuck. just did all this for nothing?
they close the doors at twelve. there's no reason to stay.
but the owner is there, and he's an asshole.

i was so fucking pissed.
i'm like...i did all this fucking extra work.

which i don't necessarily mind doing.
but don't keep me on the clock if you don't need me.
half an hour or not. i don't know, doesn't seem right to me.

anyway, i'm off now.
and getting pretty drunk.
i don't care if i have to work tomorrow night. hangover be damned. i'm getting fucked up.
because. well. i feel like it.

but i will (maybe) never roll before work again.

random musing for the day: one is very lucky if one works with people they like. i fucking love the servers i work with.
Comments: i saw sparks.

Friday, March 13th, 2009

Subject:we're all alright, we're all alright.
Time:10:30 pm.
Mood: happy.
man. am i in a great mood right now.
just finished having my dreads...redreaded?
drinking a beer.
watching that 70's show.
and pretty much just chillin'.

got paid today.
don't have to work again until monday.
get to spend all weekend with my boy just being lazy.

one really good day kind of makes the bullshit from the past week seem meaningless.
i like that.
Comments: i saw sparks.

Sunday, March 8th, 2009

Subject:all eyes on me, in the center of the ring.
Time:4:12 pm.
Mood: lazy.
...i am not ashamed to admit that, sometimes, i like listening to britany spears.
although i probably should be.

and i really planned on going out today and enjoying the nice weather, but i'm just too damn lazy right now. i can see the niceness from my window, along with all of downtown dc.

it's hardcore nap time.
Comments: i saw sparks.

Thursday, March 5th, 2009

Time:9:13 pm.
clea duvall. still. mmm.
Comments: i saw sparks.

Tuesday, February 17th, 2009

Subject:a tower of strength in the face of the enemy.
Time:10:39 pm.
Mood: content.
tired. feet hurt. but happy.
first day of my job - hated. it.
i'm on the third day, and...i hate it less, i suppose.
but we do need the money. i'm sucking it up for the time being.
that's what being an adult is all about, yeah? sucking it up.

living with my fiance = awesome. (for the most part)

i'll be glad when the weekend gets here.

random: i hate when people ask me what's in the food. i'm a hostess. do they cook the black eyed peas with pork? I DON'T KNOW (but probably do) nor do i give a fuck.
Comments: i saw sparks.

Tuesday, February 3rd, 2009

Subject:shower? i gotta get me one of those.
Time:12:46 am.
Mood: full.
i have pretty much officially moved in with my boyfriend. which is awesome and scary, but a lot less scary than i thought. which makes it double the awesome.

though he snores. and is the messiest. and smokes sososo much pot.

it's all good.
i've thrown out my old life and am in the process of starting over.
Comments: i saw sparks.

Tuesday, January 13th, 2009

Time:2:31 am.
Mood: mellow.
i went to check my email, and was greeted by an ad in which strawberries were having sex with each other. at least, i think that's what they were doing, there was some strawberry rubbing and grinding.

...i really need to get some sleep.
Comments: i saw sparks.

Thursday, October 23rd, 2008

Subject:the rare look.
Time:4:18 pm.
Mood: calm.
i am on a radiohead binge right now. also, the decemberists and stone temple pilots. so fucking awesome.

and...i think commitment-phobia runs in my family. not hereditary, just unfortunate.

and...i lost ten pounds doing nothing but sleeping for twelve hours a day and reading. ooh, slippery slope. but i think i look okay.

and...i really love d.c. early in the morning. i'm a total starbucks asshole and i love it.

my engagement ring is way too big and i find that very symbolic of how i feel about the whole situation. just too damn big right now.

i've been twenty-two for almost six months and i feel like this year has been one big toss up.

and i don't have health insurance and my birth control is out of control expensive and i'm debating giving up sex all together just to have a few extra bucks in my pocket. laugh if you want, i'm leaning that way.

i love fall, hate winter. i never sleep in the winter anymore. but, like everything else? i guess that's okay for now.

rawr. also, thhpb.
Comments: i saw sparks.

Saturday, September 27th, 2008

Time:2:27 am.
I remember when I was in high school when I could pull and all-nighter or a two-nighter or a three-nighter. I don't know if I miss that time or not. But I'm up regardless.
Comments: i saw sparks.

Tuesday, September 23rd, 2008

Time:6:56 pm.
Mood: sick.
The thought of looking at wedding dresses makes me want to vomit. But in a good way. I think.
Comments: i saw sparks.

Wednesday, September 17th, 2008

Time:3:52 pm.
Mood: happy.
I cannot remember the last time I posted on this thing. Not having the internet for three years will do that, I suppose.

Um. Yeah. Hi! again.
Comments: i saw sparks.

Tuesday, June 20th, 2006

Time:7:03 pm.
Mood: flirty.
so. yeah.
still alive.
home for the summer.
and what an...interesting summer it's been.

love my friends.
love all of you. who fall into that friends category, i suppose.
and that's all.
which explains nothing.
which is fine with me.

ex oh ex oh, bitches.
Comments: i saw sparks.

LiveJournal for Shanel.

View:User Info.
You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.